Hmm... so i don't know how long and how hard i stared at a blank screen! i would type and delete type and delete...it never felt right. today though is different, i feel he sadness leave me, i feel like i am finally climbing out the dark hole! Ugh, deployment took my best friend away from me about one week ago, and you know what i am happy i have made it one damn week!!! it is not easy being pregnant during a deployment, and i think it worse knowing that the baby is due a little bit before he is supposed to come back.I'm not going to lie, i cried my eyes dry many times! and i did get in a lil anti social mood, but that's hard to maintain with a 3 yr old by your side at all times. i don't know about anyone else, but i cant cry in front of my son, it makes me feel like i am frightening him because his stability is being rocked. i am thankful though because he gives me the strength to keep moving on day by day. i keep thinking about D-Day and how affected everyone was going to be. Nic cried a lot at first, but sleeping in daddy's clothes and kissing his pic at night has really helped him!i keep dreaming and longing everything from his touch to his smell to his kiss, anything and everything! i appreciated the people around me and how they were trying to help but it just annoyed me having people tell me .. o you ll be alright, seven months will pass fast, haha thanks for the update i already know.. it doesn't matter whether i like it or not i have to put up with being empty for the next 6.75 months...
the things that sometimes kill me is the guilty feeling when you remember all the pointless fights and arguments before the dreaded D Day! Something i did that put a smile on my husbands face and made me feel accomplished was sending him his moto mail, i didn't know if it be too soon or what, but three days after he deployed i wrote him and withing 24 hrs he received it!! i also write him religiously, the first couple days id but a few sentences here and there but i promised him, every monody i would be sending him out a card! its been one week and I've sent him 3 letters and one car pkg done :D i know i jumped the gun, but i can only imagine if this is this hard for me, how hard will it be for him! i cant be selfish here! although, it hurts and i don't get to speak, text, or see my husband, i get home court advantage. i guess it doesn't count because i just moved to Florida, but i have the car i can drive around, the friends i can see, the phone to use at my disposal.
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| Last goodbyes |
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| Nic talking to daddy 3-1-11 |
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| skype date |
i promise to never leave your heart unattended, to always be its heart keeper, to love you and cherish you all the days of my life! you are my best friend and my best gift from GOD! i'll be seeing you... your forever in our hearts <3
i wish you were still in ca so we could meet up for coffee or something. it helps me a lot that i have a friend who's hubby deployed with Jon and is also prego. we meet up whenever we can and go to babies r us since we don't have our husbands to drag shopping haha
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry about the timing of your due date and bryan's return, I hope the baby stays in for as long as possible! I'm worried the baby will come early, but if everything goes normal I'm one of the lucky few to have it timed right. You can always be happy that your due date wasn't 1mo after he left! there's always a bright side!
Jon and I fought about a lot of petty things before he left. it's normal. I just wanted everything to be perfect in our last weeks together, so that when it wasn't I had very little patience. but we both knew that we were fighting because of our impending doom! (as I called it)
girl just wait ill be back in cali aroud may/ june to look for a place to live and start making our home!! this move turned out to be a mini vacation away from cali to save mone, and my husband decided he ewants me to go back and wait for him, and im completely fine with that! <3 as for the fights i know i read the deployment handbook a billion times! it really helped, it aslo helps knowing tht people go through these things!
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